How to Make Friends while Travelling Solo

As I mentioned in my previous post, previously I have found making friends while travelling to be a natural affair. Staying in hostels, going on walking tours, and frequenting popular tourist sites lends itself well to connecting with like-minded folk who are down for a chat or a pint. Alas, after a month of living in Mexico I had to concede that my usual methods of making friends were not going to work.

So, like any good millennial, I turned to the internet – specifically Bumble. I had tried Bumble BFF once in Kamloops and there were exactly 4 people that were using it, so my hopes were not high. Here in Huatulco, there is a surf town about an hour up the coast called Puerto Escondido where most expats and people under 35 end up, so finding people actually near me in La Crucecita has proved challenging. The other difficulty is the people who live here in my demographic are working or going to school, their lives are busy too and it can be hard to find times to connect.

It was with great excitement I came across the profile of the musical-theatre loving, bilingual, mexicana, Fernanda on my Bumble BFF profile and saw the beautiful phrase “Location – La Crucecita” at the bottom of her bio. We matched, chatted, and set a drink date for later that week. Even though we weren’t able to meet right away, connecting with Fernanda triggered a domino effect in my life and suddenly, my social and work calendar were full!

While Sylvain studied, Sarah and I made dinner together

On March 6^th we hosted an open house at the shop for people to come and ask questions about courses and diving. It was a great way to spend a Saturday, and we had some great conversations and a few people stop by. Two of which were Sarah and Sylvain, a Parisian couple on a travel adventure around Mexico. Sarah is certified, but Sylvain was interested in doing his Open Water. The left to check out the other shops in town but were back later in the afternoon to register for Monday! We had such a lovely time with them that we exchanged numbers and agreed to meet for drinks later that night.

Nata and I met Sylvain and Sarah at La Crema Saturday night and had the BEST time. Then on Tuesday while Sylvain studied for his course, Sarah picked me up on their rented scooter and we went to Chedraui – the supermarket! I had not been there yet and as we stepped inside I felt the sweet sweet relief of air conditioning for the first time since I came to Oaxaca (edit: the Scotiabank ABM vestibule is also air conditioned, so this isn’t entirely true). She is Keto and had been craving pizza, so we found some toppings, an almond – based Keto pizza crust mix, and headed back to my place to make dinner.

Sarah and I connected really well, and I loved hearing her story. She has lived in various places in Central/South America for study abroad programs. She also had an extremely stressful job and some stressful life events that led to her and Sylvain to making the decision to give up their Paris apartment, put their things in storage and travel. I am just so inspired by people like Sylvain and Sarah. To me, speaking three languages and travelling by bus/backpack through Mexico is amazing! But they make it seem so normal. I haven’t even taken the city bus in tiny La Crucecita yet because I don’t know how it works, but they just figure it out as they go. The fact they are both comfortable with Spanish definitely makes a difference, but still, I strive to be more like that. Confident things will sort out, I get so anxious about not knowing how things work, but why?

Over the course of the week I spent the days with Sylvain and Nata completing Sylvain’s Open Water course, and in the evenings spent time with either Sarah or Fernanda. I connected so well with both of them, and began to feel a little more like I had early in my time in Mexico. Refreshed and energized by being social, and having good conversations with people. Sadly, our pizza hang was the last time I spent with Sarah outside of diving, but I so valued my time with the two of them and have been following their adventures through Sylvain’s YouTube channel and their Facebook group.

But I didn’t have too much time to miss them! On March 13^th Fernanda invited me to her mother’s house to have dinner with her mum, Adriena, and her sister Majo (Maria-José). I took my first taxi out to their amazing manor in Sector O and enjoyed their lovely company and vegan meal prepared by Chef Majo.

Gorgeous yard complimented by a lovely sunset

March 13^th was a tough day for many of us, and I am so grateful to have been welcomed by this family. March 13, 2020 was Friday the 13^th, my mum’s birthday, a full moon, and the day BC announced a state of emergency and we closed my theatre for the second time in the 18 months I had worked at Western Canada Theatre. So there were lots of feelings happening both for me here in Huatulco and for my friends, colleagues, and family back in Canada. I am so grateful to Fernanda’s family for providing such a serene environment to endure this anniversary in! We toasted and sent a video to my mum for her birthday, and then relaxed under the stars in their pool. Again, I felt the renewed energy of companionship and a reminder that I am such an extrovert and need the energy of other humans to feel like a human myself.

I look forward to spending more time with Fernanda, she is only here for a month but we have a lot in common. She lived in Huatulco for a year as a kid, but her mum only moved to La Crucectia 5 years ago, and Fernanda has visited once, so she doesn’t have any connections to the area and is as unfamiliar with La Crucecita as I am! I’m also hoping Majo and I can connect more because she will be here until July and is doing an internship with a local conservation project. I’m sure we would have lots to talk about!

Fernanda and I building Sandcastles in San Augustin – read about that trip here.

I love spending time with Fernanda, but I am painfully aware that she will only be here a few weeks so I continue to put effort into making other connections so I do not find myself in the same downward spiral I did when the Sanchez family left at the beginning of my time here. I’ve matched with a few more people on Bumble, but everyone has been on their way other places, so far. But my confidence has been boosted and I am putting myself out there more.

I have also been extremely reluctant to interact with guys, and I don’t know why. All my life the majority of my friends have been male, but I have been having such powerful connections with other women. I do have a friend date set with Bumble BFF match Manuel later this week, so maybe that will go well too! He is from Veracruz but lives in Santa Cruz now, so it would be great to have a friend that lives here so I can absorb their knowledge and have a more long term adventure buddy.

Something else I am learning in Mexico is to take my time. There is rarely a reason to rush, so I take my time more. If I chat with someone in the market, I can stay and continue the conversation. On my walks home from the shop I go out of my way to walk by the bike shop, just to see if Antonio or Miguel are around to say hi. In my previous life I had every moment of my day booked, from work to dinner to events and outings with friends, so it’s a complete change of mindset and habit to take a breath and stay in each moment. Once I am home, it is hard for me to find the motivation to go out again, so I know I need to take those efforts before retiring for the evening.

So, I am learning. I am learning that when it comes down to it, the secret to making friends is setting the intention and putting in the effort. Embrace coincidences! When you walk by the same person in the grocery store 4 times, find an excuse to break the silence. When you are having a chat with someone new and feel the energy flowing, ask for their number! It doesn’t always work, and that’s ok. For the three wonderful, potentially life-long friends I have told you about here, I have not mentioned the seven other interactions I had in this same time period that flopped. The guy I met at the market who seemed keen to hang out, then ignored my texts. Or the times the times my jokes or attempt at conversation just didn’t flow and the connection was awkward. Those experiences are totally normal, and thank goodness, can you imagine how exhausting it would be if every interaction we had with other humans resulted in a deep friendship? It would not be sustainable.

Fernanda has invited me to go camping with her family in San Augustin this weekend and I am SO excited! I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

Until then, thanks for strolling!

~ Shev

Sylvain made this video of their journey down the Oaxacan coast, you’ll see me & Carsten starting at 5:40!